Dark Humor Jokes
43 jokes
Alzheimer's vs. Cancer
After an extensive battery of tests, a guy meets with his doctor to discuss the results. "I'm afraid...
🖤Assassination Attempt
The time: 1944. Nazi Germany. Two Jews decide they're going to assassinate Hitler. They carefully a...
🖤Autopsy
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
🖤Blondes Applaud
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcro...
🖤Brief Man's Wife
A guy was known among his friends to be very brief and to the point—he really never said too much. O...
🖤Busy at the Crime Scene
The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner hasn't released the body to t...
🖤Cheat, Repeat, Lie
If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
🖤Death's Doorbell
Never knock on Death's door; ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
🖤Deer Hunting Dilemma
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunt...
🖤Dinner Special Price
Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
🖤Dumb Dumb Boutique
1999 Darwin Awards Nominee Confirmed True by Darwin (10 April 1999, New York) Terrence Adams accide...
🖤Dying Man and the Tie
A man's off road vehicle breaks down in the middle of the Mojave desert. It's the middle of summer a...
🖤Explaining Death to Children
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very careful...
🖤Golfing Tragedy
This man and his wife were out playing golf when he hit a big slice and ended up behind a big buildi...
🖤House of Explosives
To whom it may concern: some of the items in this house have been engraved with Federal Identificati...
🖤Inner Sociopath
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
🖤Knitting and Thalidomide
Knitting - Not all mothers like this.
🖤Last Request
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which ...
🖤Last Requests
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led down to the room in which ...
🖤Laughter and Tuberculosis
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberc...
🖤Lawyer's Hell
So, there's this lawyer who dies and goes to Hell. (I know I know, no big surprise!) The lawyer sits...
🖤Life Insurance Application
The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. The salesman ...
🖤Pillage Before Burning
Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
🖤Redneck Widow's Obituary
One day, a redneck widow goes into the local newspaper office and says that she would like to have h...
🖤Research Causes Cancer in Rats
It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
🖤Rudeneck's Golf Outing
For the four executives, the high point of the annual stockholders meeting was their Sunday afternoo...
🖤Sacrifice
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness."
🖤Skydiving Failure
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
🖤Spleen
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
🖤Stealing a Newspaper
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the t...
🖤Suicide Bet
An Italian was sitting at the bar, having a beer and chatting to the barman. The 6 o'clock news came...
🖤Suspicion and Paranoia
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
🖤Taxidermist vs. Tax Collector
"What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your s...
🖤The Bad Bus Conductor
A little old lady is on a bus, buying a ticket from the bus conductor, fumbling in a voluminous bag ...
🖤The Bell Ringer's Tragedy
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of ...
🖤The Clone Arranger
The couple left the gynecologist’s office with the wife in tears. They were just told that she could...
🖤The Expensive Resuscitation
A wealthy man and his wife were driving down the freeway in their new BMW when out of nowhere came a...
🖤The Old Man's Burial
An old man and woman were constantly arguing about everything. The old woman kept repeating "I'll da...
🖤The Pepper Garden
An old widower living alone in the country wanted to plant his pepper garden, but the ground was too...
🖤Toad for Breakfast
Eat a live toad in the morning, and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
🖤Unwanted Child's Bath Toys
I knew I was an unwanted child when I saw my bath toys were a radio and a toaster.
🖤Widow and Cigarette Joke
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just re...
🖤Widow's Doubt
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length ...