Family Jokes

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A Boy's Aim

"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" ...

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A New Bathroom

Dear Son: Your Paw has a job. It's the first one he's had in forty-eight years since we have been ma...

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Adam's Suit

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination and looked at the old pages as he ...

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Airport Announcement

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit, with crashing thunder and seve...

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Airport Surprise

Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just as a storm hit, with crashing thunder and severe...

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Altered Dad

When I was about 7, we had a male cat which my mom took to the vet to be "altered." When I asked wha...

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Anger vs. Exasperation

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the diff...

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Annie and Kittens

Mommy has told her little girl all about the making of babies. Little Annie is now silent for a whil...

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Another Wife

When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who ...

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Appreciating Good Work

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside...

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Army Recruit's Mom

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd...

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Arnold's Sister

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody, but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8,...

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Baby Sister and Fishing

A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went shopping. He decided to go fishing a...

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Baby's Diaper Problem

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to run some errands. T...

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Big Nose Genetics

Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, m...

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Billy's Game

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to att...

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Boxing Lesson

Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4 year old son if he w...

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Boy's Grades Threat

The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He ...

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Boy's Heaven Strategy

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you ex...

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Boy's Pillow

Chris's first three kids were all girls. The youngest was 7 when they had their fourth, a son. The b...

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Breakfast Ambiguity

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Jill, the newlywed bride, "breakfast...

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Burglars and Pot Roast

Mr. and Mrs. Steinfeld are asleep in their beds late one night, when Mrs. Steinfeld hears a noise do...

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Burial Mishap

A guy goes over to his brother's house all bruised and his clothes torn. His brother says, "Man, whe...

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Cake Strategy

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'll be playing ...

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Camping Teamwork

A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle an...

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Candy Machine Custody

The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and h...

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Child's Perception of Accents

About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four-year-old son, Brent. He...

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Child's Reality Crisis

Ed asks his ten-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the c...

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Chris's Grandmother

When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he le...

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Christmas Card Surprise

I was taking a shower when my two-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet ...

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Church Hushers

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled,...

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Clone Mommy

"Mommy?! Come quickly, I'm scared & I'm wet." The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart." "Hey," th...

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College Student's Letter

A college student wrote a letter home: "Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing ...

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Columbus' Mother

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

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Counting on Fingers

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit...

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Crib Cost

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently, she watched him. As he...

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Crib Price

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn's crib. Silently she watched him. A...

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Cyclone and Couple's Outing

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the...

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Dad's Baldness

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why ...

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Dad's Speed

Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great ...

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Daddy's Encouragement

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all the people watching me and sa...

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Daughter's Lemonade Stand

Hey, speaking of lemonade stands, when my daughter Spud was much younger (6? 7? I don't remember), a...

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Diaper Capacity

One day, shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. The...

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Dinner Blessing

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and sai...

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Divorced Barbie

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday, and he hadn't b...

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Dust Under the Bed

A young boy ran into the kitchen where his mom was cooking dinner. All out of breath he asked, "Mom,...

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Eating Fingers

As I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on ...

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Eddy's Alien Bait

My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden. Uncovering a m...

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Expecting vs. Pregnant

"How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John re...

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Fastest Dad

Three boys were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal ...