True Judi Tales

Mornin', y'all. An update on last week's ski trip. *I* came out of it ok, but poor Spud (my 11 year old daughter) decided to see if she could have a better time flipping her snow tube and sliding down the mountain on her pretty face. So, she wound up with a couple of "battle scars" (she's fine, y'all, no lasting damage), and the next morning she was ready to go do it all again.

Let's do some True Judi Tales, shall we?

Pam turns herself in for a Judi by telling me that several years ago she was watching the movie "Oklahoma." She was taken by the outdoor scenery, the lush green fields, and amazing blue sky. She turned to her family and asked, "What state is this supposedly set in?"

Sarah was on the "up" escalator when she turned herself in for a Judi. She noticed the stairwell between the two escalators and said to her friend, "That's weird. Where did they put the stairs that go *down*?"

Leith had just seen the comedy "Very Bad Things" and was telling Judi about it. Leith told Judi she wouldn't like the movie. "Why?" Leith replied, "It's a very black comedy." Judi's very indignant reply, "What? Are you calling me a racist?" (Ray's note: Gawd, can I relate to this . . . )

Karen says her 5-year-old daughter got back at Dad for his constant teaching the kids "smart-ass" comments. (Ray again: hmmmm . . . there something ELSE else Dads are supposed to teach their kids?) Lauren decided to sneak a sip of Dad's beer. He caught her, confiscated the bottle, and Lauren said, without missing a beat, "I've got a fake ID."

Peter's manufacturing company seems to hire a slew of Judis. A few years ago they were having a discussion that some of the employees couldn't read, but that it was difficult to identify these employees, since they didn't want to just walk up to 'em and ask, "Do you need help reading?" There was even a Judi in management who came up with the great idea of putting a memo on the company bulletin board inviting them to reading class.

Mike is married to Judi. He'd bought a network card at the computer store and was anxious to get home and get started on networking their home computers. He got home, Judi got home a couple of minutes later, and Mike handed her the network card. "Look what I got to network the computers!" Judi said, "That's great! Is it installed yet?"

Jacquel was tickled that Judi finally got engaged. Judi was bouncing around excited no end that she was going to get married! She started ticking off a list, out loud, of the folks she needed to call and tell the good news too. She stopped in mid-list and said, "Oh, wait, I have to tell Mark!" Forgetting, of course, that Mark is the one who proposed to her.

MR sends this in, and I don't believe it for a second, but what the hell, it DID make me laugh: Seems Judi had a speech impediment. She was working at the department store. Her supervisor was named Weldon Taylor. She'd received a large check and needed his approval to accept it. She picks up the intercom and says, "Wel Done Tator to the BBQ grills . . . "

Mitch tells me of the story about this lady who also worked in retail. A woman came in and plopped a VCR on the counter. She said it didn't work. The lady behind the counter said she'd have to sent it off to be fixed. The customer said she didn't want it fixed. So they just stood there and looked at each other for a few moments. Finally, the lady behind the counter said, "Look, I'm divorced, lady, and I don't have to read minds any more. What is it you want me to do with this VCR."